Generosity with Yourself: A Key to Building Good Habits

“Generosity (or liberality) is the good use of things we could use poorly, mostly money”—St. Thomas Aquinas

“I don’t want to be 85, singing ‘Oh no I got a big house but my heart is hurting me.’ ”—Andy Grammer

Introduction

One of the biggest obstacles to building good habits, is that it can cost money to make our new habit stick. To change our behaviors, we need cues, cravings, and responses. Without these, nothing will change.

Cue → Craving →  Response →  Result

• A cue is like a reminder. For instance, a full hamper means, “Oh right, I need to do laundry.”

• A craving is the desire to do that behavior: “I don’t want my family to go around in dirty clothes, so I’d better do the laundry today.”

• A response is taking the necessary action(s): Dump the dirty clothes in the washing machine. Add the detergent. Set the right program. Hit “start” button.

Sometimes, what we need to live our habits costs money: laundry machine, detergent, hamper, water and electricity, etc.

“But I don’t want to spend more money.”

I know. Budgets can be tight, particularly this time of year. At the same time, most of us waste plenty of money, we just don’t admit it: apps, streaming services, eating out, etc. A good rule of thumb is 95/5:

95% of your budget, be ruthlessly stingy.

5% splurge on stuff you love.

Most people need to tighten up the 95, but there are plenty of you out there who need permission to spend the 5. Aquinas gives this hierarchy for the uses of money:

• The worst: Spend uselessly (the Prodigal)

• Next worst: Save uselessly (the Stingy or Closed-fisted)

• Second best: save usefully (provide for bad times, special occasions, large purchases, retirement, etc.)

• Best: Spend usefully (the Generous man)

A rather successful agnostic once said:

"The best investment is the one you make in yourself. " --Warren Buffett

“But I’ve tried that before, and it didn’t work.”

Great. You’ve found one thing that doesn’t work. Don’t do that again. Try something new. And before you try something new, if you don’t want to go in blind, do a little post-mortem:

1. What was I trying to accomplish?

2. How committed was I to getting there? (Were you as committed to change as you were to your spouse on your wedding day?)

3. How did I try to get there?

4. How close did I get?

5. What made me stop?

6. How can I keep that from stopping me this time?

This is not that. Circumstances have changed. You’ve grown. Or maybe you’ve just finally had enough.

“But aren’t I supposed to put others first?”

Of course you are. And of course not. You are not God, but human. You can only give what you’ve received. As a mother I walked with the other day at the park put it:

When I exercise, I’m healthier.

When I’m healthier, I’m a better mommy.

The goal is generosity with your family and others. The path is generosity with yourself.

Rings of Generosity

If you had a tomato plant and never watered it, how many tomatoes would you expect from it? Not very many. How big would you expect them to be? Not very big. How juicy would your handful of tiny tomatoes be? Not very juicy.

Right, because the plant produces the fruit according to what it receives. Neglect the plant, and the fruits will be scarce… or missing altogether.

Do you think your heart is any different?

“But I don’t deserve…”

What? What don’t you deserve? Let me ask you this: If you were the only person on earth, would you do this for yourself? If the answer is “yes,” then you should probably do it because that’s how God loves you:

“God loves the soul as if it were the only one ever created” --St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle

He loves you as if you were the only person on earth. He would do anything for you. Yet if you’re still not sure you should do it, talk to someone who will shoot you straight, ok?

“But maybe my good habit isn’t worth the cost”

That, my dear, is a heresy. Or, if you prefer, it’s a lie from the bowels of hell. The spirit, your spirit, is worth infinitely more matter. Said differently:

The tiniest growth in virtue,

or even the tiniest attempt to grow,

is worth more than all the money in the world.

Being stingy with yourself could have eternal consequences, as Thomas a Kempis heard from Christ Himself in The Imitation of Christ:

Who is there who serves and obeys Me in all things

With as great a care as that with which

The world and its masters are served?

…for a small gain, they travel great distances;

for eternal life, many will scarcely lift their foot.

They… fight shamefully in courts for a single coin.

They are not afraid to work day and night for a trifle

Or an empty promise.

But for an unchanging good,

For a reward beyond measure,

For the greatest honor and everlasting glory,

It must be said to their shame that men begrudge even the least effort.

Be ashamed then [Christian] that

they are more eager for perdition

than you are for Life,

that they rejoice more in vanity

than you in Truth.

We’ve all worked hard for trifles. As we come to the end of 2024, let’s work hard for Life.

Conclusion

If any of this makes sense to you, please do not simply agree with it, but put it into practice. Spend money usefully, on your spirit, on good habits, on virtue. Become the man or woman you were meant to be. Let nothing get in your way. Pietra Fitness has agreed to be the first to start:

Bonus #1: 40-day free trial of Pietra Fitness for you (if you aren’t already a member) or anyone you care about through December 2024. If you’re on a tight budget this holiday season, this can be the perfect gift to share with those you love.

Bonus #2: As has become our custom, there’s also a worksheet for you to use generosity to build good habits. (Generosity Worksheet)

Bonus #3: To all of you, a very merry Christmas!

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