Good Habits & the Love Lever

Introduction

Kate was a slim brunette with a pinched face and a big heart. She was also a Catholic mom with five kids she homeschooled. When she learned some startling information about processed food, she “religiously” forced her family onto a whole-food diet.

Her kids rebelled: arguments, talking back, refusing to eat, sneaking food, skipping family meals to eat at friends’ houses, etc.

Kate reacted with more rules, more oversight, more yelling, more punishments, and plenty of guilt-tripping. Even though her diet had improved, she now lived in continual stress.

Besides the difficulties with the kids, Kate’s stress began to creep into her relationship with God and her husband and even to impact her own health dramatically. But no matter how much she thought about these things, she kept insisting, “I can’t change.”

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Move Your World

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“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move THE WORLD.”—Archimedes

Kate’s friend Jess asked her, “Where will you be 10 years from now if you keep this up?” (“This” being all the stress she was putting on herself, not the new diet.)

Kate answered, “Dead.”

“Ok, so then perhaps it’s time to change, no?” asked Jess.

“I still can’t change…” And Kate wept.

Change is hard. Change is painful. Change is a boulder. Kate’s boulder wasn’t going anywhere because she didn’t have a lever long enough. She knew she “should” change, but “should” didn’t make a bit of difference.

She was ready to die rather than change. The weight of the world was on her shoulders, and she couldn’t move it. Where could she find a lever?

Hesed

One of the two most common words for loving mercy in the Old Testament is hesed. Hesed is the love that’s willing to sacrifice oneself for the good of another, the love Jesus calls the greatest.

When Queen Esther put her life on the line, appearing before King Xerxes to stop Haman’s plot to kill the Jews, she embodied hesed.

When Maximilian Kolbe offered to take a father’s place in the starvation bunker at Auschwitz, he was hesed incarnate.

Kate was ready to give her life for the health of her family. She had this hesed inside her. Now, could it be directed in a better way?

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“Love conquers all”—Virgil

Kate loved her kids, her husband, and God. If she was ready to give her life for them, what wouldn’t she be willing to give?

To help Kate make a life-saving shift, Jess asked her, “When you’re dead, and your kids are carrying your coffin at your funeral, will they hate you, or will they just forget you?”

“I know,” Kate sobbed, “but I still can’t change.”

What?! Now, Jess was getting desperate. Maybe this was it. Maybe her friend would die, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Maybe Kate’s kids would hate her… or forget her. And there was nothing she could do about it.

Or maybe… maybe there was a way. Maybe there’s always a way.

Jess decided to ask one more question, “So do you think your kids’ new mom will send them to public school?”

“WHAT?! No way! That’s it. I’m changing! Right now!”

It was like someone put a rocket in Kate’s keister.

She found persuasive, compassionate ways to talk to her kids about her decision. She found recipes they enjoyed. She found times to let her kids enjoy their favorite processed foods. Most of all, she found ways to love her kids and enjoy life again. Her 10-year outlook is much brighter than a coffin.

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Takeaway

What’s the lesson here? We’ve all got leverage inside us. If there’s a change you’ve been “trying” to make and haven’t made, it’s probably because you haven’t found enough leverage yet.

Leverage is someone or something you love more than the pain it takes to change.

It doesn’t even have to be human. It could be God… or your dog. The point is that you would go to hell and back for this person (or animal).

You would give anything, do anything, sacrifice anything.

Maybe you think, “I don’t have anyone like that in my life.” And maybe you don’t… yet. But if you could imagine someone like that, what change would you make for them? Go, and make it.

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Try It For Yourself

1. What change have you wanted to make but haven’t been able to, maybe for years?

2. Who (or what) do you love most in the world?

3. What would be the impact on them (or your relationship with them) if you DON’T make this change? (Hint: Don’t just think about now; think about 10 years from now. Or eternity.)

4. What would be the impact on them (or your relationship with them) if you do?

5. Bonus Question: Who can you not say “no” to? Ask them to ask you to make the change.

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If you find worksheets helpful, print out the Love Lever Worksheet.

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