Jesus' Call to Weep

Blessed are those who weep, for they shall be comforted.

I know you need me to be happy right now, but I miss home. —Riley to her parents in Inside Out

Introduction

What if the only way to find comfort was to weep? Billy’s job was driving him crazy. Literally. He was on anxiety medication because his bosses (yes, plural) were asking him to turn greater profits in his division while continually refusing to give him the necessary resources and putting new obstacles in his way. He had started a side business that was beginning to take off, but his wife Jen was afraid that their financial situation wouldn’t allow him to quit his job to run his business full time. What could he do? Was the right thing to tough it out? Was it selfish of him to even consider leaving his job? Or was there another way?

The Heresy of the Always-Happy Christian

Some people believe that to be a good Christian, you have to have a smile plastered on your face all day, every day. After all, isn’t joy one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit? And there is certainly something wrong with the “always-whiny Christians.” They are annoying and best appreciated in small doses while exercising one’s sense of humor. Still there is something disturbing about those who are always happy. Would you open your heart to one of them? As with many heresies, the solution is not either/or, but both/and.

[There is] a time for tears and a time for laughter. —Ecc 3:4

If Christianity is about more than forced smiles, what might Jesus still have to teach us?

Jesus’ Tears

Jesus, the giver of the beatitudes, was also the liver of the beatitudes. We have explicit statements of Jesus weeping on two occasions:

1. Jesus wept at the death of his friend Lazarus even though he knew he could raise him from the dead (Jn 11:35).
2. Jesus wept at Jerusalem’s rejection of the Messiah even though he knew their rejection would mean the salvation of the world (Lk 19:41).

Jesus felt sorrow for the crowds who were like sheep without a shepherd (Mt 9:36). Jesus also stated to the disciples that he was “sorrowful to death” at the Garden in Gethsemane where it does not say that he wept but rather that he sweated blood (cf. Mt 26:38 & Lk 22:44). Jesus, true God and true man, did not go around with a smile plastered on his face.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

“But James, I’ve tried to tell someone how sad I was before, and it didn’t work.” I believe you. I believe that you were unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. I believe that someone mishandled your heart, and I’m sorry. I believe that the results of that encounter fell far below your expectations, and I’ve been there myself. But is that a good reason to never try again?

What Happens When We Don’t Weep?

Well, there’s a few things:

1. The mask we put on blocks intimacy and connection, so now we’re alone, even in the midst of a loving family and dear friends.
2. If we decide to stuff our sadness, it becomes anger, which then becomes displaced emotion, and we take our sadness-turned-anger out on someone who doesn’t deserve it, possibly even ourselves.
3. If we decide to sooth our sadness, that comfort-seeking can lead to all sorts of addictive behaviors that simultaneously enslave us and destroy us. And of course, if we’re trying to live Christian lives, force us to hide these behaviors from others while filling us with guilt.
4. If we decide to kill our sadness, we kill our hearts. We kill our capacity for love and joy and compassion. We lose our ability to emote and thus a big part of our humanity.

And of course, we don’t have to choose just one of these coping mechanisms. We can choose them all and make quite a mess of things… but we don’t have to.

What Happens When We Weep?

Well as you might imagine, basically the opposite of what happens when we don’t:

1. Our hearts come alive.
2. We are able to connect with others so that we are seen, understood, safe. We receive healthy, holy comfort that frees us from addictions. We get to belong rather than try to fit in.
3. Our anger is defused, and instead the love underneath that anger is unleashed towards both ourselves and others… and God.
4. We get to be our true selves.

Sadness and joy come together to make something beautiful as they did for Riley in the final scene of Inside Out. (If you haven’t seen it yet, please do yourself the favor of watching it.)

Jesus’ Call to Weep

“Ok James, what exactly are you asking me to do?” Great question. Here’s what I’m NOT asking. Please, please, please DON’T go blabbing your deepest, darkest secret to a stranger, or a person who’s too immature to handle it, or a person who’s too caught up in their own world to empathize. Mourning and vulnerability are not all-or-nothing propositions. We need to have boundaries. We need to exercise prudence with our hearts.

Let’s start with this: imagine being sad and someone is there to catch you, to hold you, to be with you, to lift you up slowly and gently when the time is right. Imagine being comforted. Just imagine it.

Ok, now think of a suffering you are experiencing. It could be from the past, the present or the future (yes, it’s possible to suffer fear and worry about the future. Every mom knows this.) Now, think of one person you trust. Imagine telling this person you trust about your suffering. How bad was it? If it wasn’t that bad, maybe try it in real life. If it was awful, maybe think of another person in your life OR another suffering that’s not so big and try sharing that instead. When you find something you can live with in your imagination, try it in real life and see what happens, all right?

What Happened to Billy?

One day, finally, Billy hit a wall. He couldn’t take it anymore. He broke down and told Jen everything. Poor thing, she had no idea. She didn’t know how bad things had gotten. She thought the side business was making things better. When she did hear the whole truth, her heart was wrenched open. Together they took another look at the finances and realized they had enough financial security to make a run at their own business. The weight of the world was taken off Billy’s shoulders as he experienced a love he’d forgotten was possible… and he couldn’t stop smiling.

Like Billy, you don’t have to carry your suffering alone. God has put someone in your life to help you carry it. Let Him give you the wisdom to choose and the strength to ask.

Blessed are those who weep, for they shall be comforted.

If you enjoy using worksheets as a tool for reflection, check out this Vulnerability Worksheet to guide your thoughts on the article's key ideas.

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